Numerology Reading

Numerology Reading

First, you as a person; the unique individual that you are. This is derived from your Name. It includes your inner urges and desires, and how you present yourself to others.

Your Inner or Soul's Urge

You respond to life from the heart. You want joy and happiness for yourself and for those around you. Inspiration and imagination are yours in abundance. You are something of a dreamer.

Children and pets occupy a special place within.

You enjoy beauty, popularity, and constant activity. What you have is all you ask for.

Life is a game. You enjoy life as it comes, laughing at discouragement or failure, and never letting depression get the upper hand. Even so, there is a reticent side to your nature. You might be living in a world of feeling and emotion.

You fall in Love easily.

You can see beauty everywhere. And you express your own beauty through your varied artistic talents -- painting, sculpting, speaking, decorating, acting, music, writing -- anything with color, form, or rhythm.

Seems you have a lot of friends; often entertaining, broadcasting your energy and your Love, giving everyone a good time. You are probably not unfaithful, but you enjoy flirting. You are kind and obliging. Your friends mean a great deal to you.

Patience and ability to concentrate could be enhanced for your personal benefit.

Your Personality

Others tend to see you as loyal, dedicated, dignified, and honest with a desire to perform the work at hand instead of taking a lot of time for fun and pleasure. You seem to be thrifty, prudent, and orderly.

If you focus overly much on work, others tend to see you as someone in a rut and unable to change habits.

Your self-image can suffer if you do not receive compensation or praise, at least recognition, for your labors.

The practical aspects of your personality can be enhanced by wearing tailor-made clothing of straight lines and good material, neat rather than showy.

Your Quiescent Self

Family, society, country, and civilization are better off because of your tireless efforts and meticulous attention to detail. You are the pillar of society. A staunch patriot. Your rewards are accomplishment, duty, Love, and appreciation.

Your thoughts and pleasure are the creation of firm foundations upon which family and society as a whole can prosper.

Your Destiny or Ultimate Goal

Your destiny is to be one of the educators of the world -- uncovering and understanding the mysteries of life; studying, proving, making sure of facts then writing, teaching, or demonstrating your knowledge to others.

Your quest for knowledge can bring you many unusual experiences and associations. You are intelligent, intuitive, scientific, a thinker, and a sage and you have far-reaching insight. You are an articulate and convincing spokesperson and a perfectionist, and would be at home in any executive position that did not involve machinery or the manufacturing departments.

You enjoy writing, inventing, philosophy, and religions.

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Second, the path you are traveling in this life. It is derived from your Birth Date. Here is where you find the type of events that tend to affect you as a person.

Your Life's Path

Your path holds frequent change, variety, travel, and the unexpected with a thorough mingling among humanity. You will grow by adapting yourself to change and uncertainty. Crowds and audiences appeal to you. You are passionately independent. You experience restlessness or impatience when things move along too slowly or when constant repetition becomes monotonous.

You sense that experience is the best teacher and that you learn best while you maintain your sense of individual freedom. You may have a tendency to misuse your freedom with over-indulgence of the senses, but that can be corrected by using your holistic sense of free will to go on to new adventures, and thereby discarding what no longer serves a purpose.

You have an innate ingenuity and can benefit from scientific, inventive, and resourceful people. You are versatile and clever. Things don't stay the same for long where you are.

You can understand all classes and conditions of people and can adapt yourself to unusual circumstances and conditions. Be alert to seize all that is novel and progressive. You profit by contact with other people.

I was never a huge believer in this sort of thing, but I have to admit that the great majority of this is dead-on accurate. As a writer and wedding officiant (minister), as a man... it's just eerie, really.

Never Ending

A cup of coffee, a cigarette...
Some time to dream, and to forget
the way life goes, around and down
(like ashes, floating to the ground).

Of burnt-out hopes and futile tries,
to make it better with anguished cries...
of people all alone, who
have only walls to tell their troubles to.
But walls can't hear and walls can't speak
(hot flowing tear on burning cheek).

The thoughts go round and round again,
in a never-ending chain...
and where Hope once lived
now lives Pain.

Reflections

Raise high the glass of love to me
and let me taste its last remains:
old passion's pain aroused once more
surrounded by it sweet refrains.
O shattered fragment of lost love
come close to me in vague revue,
and mirror once again your love
before I remember that we're through.
And if you see upon my face
a silver tear before you fall,
kiss gently there before you go
and say, "He loved her best of all."

Letters

Hand-me-down regrets.
They fall off the page, like petals from a dying flower.
I never saw them before, in those days so far past,
when the letters meant other things to me --
things that seem magnified now, from this different perspective.

The letters were a kind of unconsummated love...
the deepest kind of all, because its hopes remain forever intact, unspent.
Today, her face has faded into memory,
and even these letters fail to call it back to me entirely,
or to console me anymore.

Sometimes one holds the greatest treasure in one's hand,
and knows it only by its most prosaic characteristics.
Familiarity is an effective disguise.

Goodbye Letter

For a long time, I wanted my wife back... or more accurately, I wanted back the woman with whom I fell in love. I don’t know who you are. It seems I am marginalized and relegated to the point of insignificance in your life. For you it seems there is always something more important than being my lover and my wife. This has been going on for a long time. I always hoped that ‘someday’ things would be different. Your priorities have been everywhere and nowhere: Your accounting work, your flower classes, your horse clinics... The list goes on and on. All of these are noble causes, but it leaves you with having nothing left over for me.

I do have needs and have told you this numerous times. Your response is typically that you don’t care, because you don’t feel I’ve done enough to deserve, or be worthy of, your attention, affection and appreciation. You look at me like I am some cold, selfish, unreasonable, irrational jerk — how dare I ask for something from you! Then you get angry, and justify your aloofness and frigidity by bringing up all manner of ‘indiscretions’ or ‘mistakes’ on my part, real or perceived. You just want to be angry at me, and then act like you are the victim… thus validating your own self-centered behavior in your mind, and to your friends, as well.

You can read this with as much righteous indignation as you choose; you are certainly free to be angry, hurt, infuriated, wrathful. You can read this and think what a coward I am for taking this way out… that I am a loser and a jerk and so on and so forth. You can easily and conveniently dismiss me, and my feelings, because you have had years’ worth of practice.

How can you have expected to stay married (or indeed, in a relationship) considering your hostile, dismissive, marginalizing and undermining attitude and actions toward your husband? Were you surprised to discover that your husband might have a limit on how much he would take before tuning you out or just turning away? I think what’s more surprising is that this insensitivity to your husbands’ needs and feelings goes hand-in-hand with a hypersensitivity about a reaction – any reaction – from him… reactions that are usually more than reasonable.

You wonder, “How can I get him to stop walking around angry and pouting?” That you treat me as an afterthought is easily dismissed by the double-standard you seem to have about what you do and what I do: If you change your mind, I must take it. When I change my mind, I’m an idiot. If you want affection, attention or praise from me, it’s because you’ve earned it; if I want affection, attention or praise from you, I haven’t earned it yet.

The double-standard is frustrating because it takes into account only your immediate needs or desires; the perception from my side is that everything you feel or need is legitimate and very important – while anything related to me is both unimportant and selfish.

What causes this double-standard mentality? Self-centeredness.

Whatever the cause, it seems as though you spent most of the time thinking largely about what your marriage – and your man – could do for you, and never on what you could do for your man. And when there is so little emphasis on the giving… the nitpicking and pettiness chews up and spits out what could have been a good, or even great, marriage.

This is not intended to be a last stab at you, a last nasty act in what you see as a series of them. This is the plaintive cry of a lonely man who lost hope. It isn’t a midlife crisis that will send him into the arms of a woman who behaves excited to see him and appreciative of his company — it is too many years of emotionally devastating neglect, coupled with your utter ambivalence and even hostility. The loneliest situation in life is not actually being alone — it is being married to somebody to whom you appear to be invisible, or have the importance of a wilted house plant. Being ignored, marginalized, disrespected, and then belittled for expressing your pain is a level of torture that is unbearable. So I have chosen not to bear it any longer.