An Actual Friggin Miracle

This is a story told in two parts... strap in, it's a great ride. And I'll MAKE YOU believe in miracles. We bought a new house, our first together, in June 2021, and move in at the end of July 2021. The previous owner was an elderly gentleman who vacated in Feb 2021 and moved to another state. He left behind an installed, though not 'running' burglar alarm system. The little panel in the kitchen had green lights and there were some sensors around the house, but though it was powered on, there was no service being paid for -- it was just there. If someone broke in and tripped the sensors, some lights would flash, but no police were alerted, no monitoring company was under contract. We thought little of this unused and unimportant feature at the time, focused as we were on getting our things unpacked and situated, and adding to the property (i.e., installing a fence for the backyard so the dogs could finally run around outside)... we landscaped, we decorated, we forgot about the alarm system. One day, those pretty green lights started to turn red. Angry red. Little beeping noises were occasionally heard. We didn't have any codes left for us by the previous owner, nor any way to get in touch with him. I pressed some buttons almost at random, and the ugly red lights stopped. For now. This little cycle repeated for abot 6 months, every few weeks or so. Until... Until the thing got mad. Apparently there was some sort of 'extra' piece installed with this alarm system, a small bullhorn aimed outside, toward the neighborhood, which (when activated) would let out an ACTUAL ear-screeching alarm throughout the neighborhood. This bullhorn, a small megaphone, was situated in a crawlspace above our attached garage; once I got up there on a ladder and peered through the crawlspace 'door' in the garage ceiling, I could SEE the bullhorn, attached by wires, clear on the OTHER side of the garage from the crawlspace entrance. After a few minutes, the screehcing of the bullhorn stopped. Side note: This happened about a half-dozen times, each time lasting 4-5 full minutes. NOT ONE NEIGHBOR ever called the police, knocked on our door, or otherwise gave any indication they heard this massive loud alarm at all. By the sixth time this happened, I had enough. Both my wife and I work from home, and take cigarette breaks together in the garage. Were doing so one September 2022 morning, about 10:30a, when the bullhorn went off, and so did I. Ladder up, I went into the crawlspce, intent on crawling across the ceiling and tearing that bullhorn from its wiring with my teeth. The garage ceiling is constructed of drywall and wood beams. Nothing more. I thought I could leverage my weight on the beams -- after all, SOMEONE did to install the damned bullhorn, right? Predictabkly, I was wrong. I made it about halfway across the ceiling, maybe 7-8 feet, before falling through the garage ceiling. Now, I didn't go all the way to the floor... somehow I managed to arrest my descent by wrapping my upper-left arm tightly around one of the wooden beams (essentially dropping myself on it with my full weight) and dangled from the ceiling helplessly, until my wife dragged the ladder over and gingerly climbed down. As I surveyed the desctruction, I noticed the giant bruise on my left bicep (and lower right leg), and was in a lot of pain. It took my a few months, but when the swelling all went down in my arm and shoulder area, I decided to see a doctor to ascertain any real damage I might have done. A local handyman came and fixed the garage ceiling AND, for an extra fee (at my insistence), he brought me the bullhorn as well, so I could drink bourbon from the skull of my enemy. I told you THAT story to tell you THIS story. As I said, strap in. I knew nothing was broken in my arm or shoulder. I knew I needed an MRI to determine the extent and type of injury. But doctors have a path they follow... first, X-ray, then MRI. So off to Urgent Care I went in mid-November for an X-ray, which predictably showed nothing. Next I saw an orthopedist who ordered an MRI for what he believe was a strained pectoral tendon (and he was right), but the MRI also showed a very, very large mass in my left lung, it seemed. Next doctor's step? CT scan with contrast to confirm (really to figure out what the heck the mass was). The mass shown by the CT scan, was actually an aortic aneurysm, in a very odd place at the top of the aorta. A gigantic aneurysm, over 9cm in diameter and three inches long. The edges of the aneurysm showed calcification, marking it was a VERY old one -- growing for literally decades. Further testing and inspection determined that all of the tissue and organs around the aneurysm were all healthy, indicating this was NOT caused by decades of smoking, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. Investigation determined that the aneurysm was caused by an IMPACT directly to that spot on my chest... you know where the spot it? Exactly where a seatbelt crosses your body on the driver's side of the car. I had a front impact collision back in 1992, a bad one which totalled the car; the difference between this accident and the many others I had back then, was that I smashed my head on the steering wheel, and even had a bruise there the next morning. During that impact I must have also been restrained by the seatbelt in a very strong, hard way, though I felt nothing at the time. When the CT scan showed the aneurysm in Decmeber, I was scheduled for surgery in January, which was carried out by two teams -- a cardiothoracic team and a vascular team. Six hours of surgery to install a stent designed to cut of the blood flow to the aneurysm, to starve it of blood and let it wither and die. It was the least-invasive method that could've been chosen, and I couldn't be happier with my doctors and the heroic effort they expended on my behalf. I spent four WIDE AWAKE days in the ICU, with people checking on my every single hour, and was released on the fourth day to go home. If we didn't discover that aneurysm, it would've burst and killed me instantly. It was already nearly TWICE the size where an aneurysm is considered a danger to burst. It's a miracle that we found it at all. It's an actual friggin miracle that I'm still alive.