Numerology Reading

Numerology Reading

First, you as a person; the unique individual that you are. This is derived from your Name. It includes your inner urges and desires, and how you present yourself to others.

Your Inner or Soul's Urge

You respond to life from the heart. You want joy and happiness for yourself and for those around you. Inspiration and imagination are yours in abundance. You are something of a dreamer.

Children and pets occupy a special place within.

You enjoy beauty, popularity, and constant activity. What you have is all you ask for.

Life is a game. You enjoy life as it comes, laughing at discouragement or failure, and never letting depression get the upper hand. Even so, there is a reticent side to your nature. You might be living in a world of feeling and emotion.

You fall in Love easily.

You can see beauty everywhere. And you express your own beauty through your varied artistic talents -- painting, sculpting, speaking, decorating, acting, music, writing -- anything with color, form, or rhythm.

Seems you have a lot of friends; often entertaining, broadcasting your energy and your Love, giving everyone a good time. You are probably not unfaithful, but you enjoy flirting. You are kind and obliging. Your friends mean a great deal to you.

Patience and ability to concentrate could be enhanced for your personal benefit.

Your Personality

Others tend to see you as loyal, dedicated, dignified, and honest with a desire to perform the work at hand instead of taking a lot of time for fun and pleasure. You seem to be thrifty, prudent, and orderly.

If you focus overly much on work, others tend to see you as someone in a rut and unable to change habits.

Your self-image can suffer if you do not receive compensation or praise, at least recognition, for your labors.

The practical aspects of your personality can be enhanced by wearing tailor-made clothing of straight lines and good material, neat rather than showy.

Your Quiescent Self

Family, society, country, and civilization are better off because of your tireless efforts and meticulous attention to detail. You are the pillar of society. A staunch patriot. Your rewards are accomplishment, duty, Love, and appreciation.

Your thoughts and pleasure are the creation of firm foundations upon which family and society as a whole can prosper.

Your Destiny or Ultimate Goal

Your destiny is to be one of the educators of the world -- uncovering and understanding the mysteries of life; studying, proving, making sure of facts then writing, teaching, or demonstrating your knowledge to others.

Your quest for knowledge can bring you many unusual experiences and associations. You are intelligent, intuitive, scientific, a thinker, and a sage and you have far-reaching insight. You are an articulate and convincing spokesperson and a perfectionist, and would be at home in any executive position that did not involve machinery or the manufacturing departments.

You enjoy writing, inventing, philosophy, and religions.

-----

Second, the path you are traveling in this life. It is derived from your Birth Date. Here is where you find the type of events that tend to affect you as a person.

Your Life's Path

Your path holds frequent change, variety, travel, and the unexpected with a thorough mingling among humanity. You will grow by adapting yourself to change and uncertainty. Crowds and audiences appeal to you. You are passionately independent. You experience restlessness or impatience when things move along too slowly or when constant repetition becomes monotonous.

You sense that experience is the best teacher and that you learn best while you maintain your sense of individual freedom. You may have a tendency to misuse your freedom with over-indulgence of the senses, but that can be corrected by using your holistic sense of free will to go on to new adventures, and thereby discarding what no longer serves a purpose.

You have an innate ingenuity and can benefit from scientific, inventive, and resourceful people. You are versatile and clever. Things don't stay the same for long where you are.

You can understand all classes and conditions of people and can adapt yourself to unusual circumstances and conditions. Be alert to seize all that is novel and progressive. You profit by contact with other people.

I was never a huge believer in this sort of thing, but I have to admit that the great majority of this is dead-on accurate. As a writer and wedding officiant (minister), as a man... it's just eerie, really.

Never Ending

A cup of coffee, a cigarette...
Some time to dream, and to forget
the way life goes, around and down
(like ashes, floating to the ground).

Of burnt-out hopes and futile tries,
to make it better with anguished cries...
of people all alone, who
have only walls to tell their troubles to.
But walls can't hear and walls can't speak
(hot flowing tear on burning cheek).

The thoughts go round and round again,
in a never-ending chain...
and where Hope once lived
now lives Pain.

Reflections

Raise high the glass of love to me
and let me taste its last remains:
old passion's pain aroused once more
surrounded by it sweet refrains.
O shattered fragment of lost love
come close to me in vague revue,
and mirror once again your love
before I remember that we're through.
And if you see upon my face
a silver tear before you fall,
kiss gently there before you go
and say, "He loved her best of all."

Letters

Hand-me-down regrets.
They fall off the page, like petals from a dying flower.
I never saw them before, in those days so far past,
when the letters meant other things to me --
things that seem magnified now, from this different perspective.

The letters were a kind of unconsummated love...
the deepest kind of all, because its hopes remain forever intact, unspent.
Today, her face has faded into memory,
and even these letters fail to call it back to me entirely,
or to console me anymore.

Sometimes one holds the greatest treasure in one's hand,
and knows it only by its most prosaic characteristics.
Familiarity is an effective disguise.

Goodbye Letter

For a long time, I wanted my wife back... or more accurately, I wanted back the woman with whom I fell in love. I don’t know who you are. It seems I am marginalized and relegated to the point of insignificance in your life. For you it seems there is always something more important than being my lover and my wife. This has been going on for a long time. I always hoped that ‘someday’ things would be different. Your priorities have been everywhere and nowhere: Your accounting work, your flower classes, your horse clinics... The list goes on and on. All of these are noble causes, but it leaves you with having nothing left over for me.

I do have needs and have told you this numerous times. Your response is typically that you don’t care, because you don’t feel I’ve done enough to deserve, or be worthy of, your attention, affection and appreciation. You look at me like I am some cold, selfish, unreasonable, irrational jerk — how dare I ask for something from you! Then you get angry, and justify your aloofness and frigidity by bringing up all manner of ‘indiscretions’ or ‘mistakes’ on my part, real or perceived. You just want to be angry at me, and then act like you are the victim… thus validating your own self-centered behavior in your mind, and to your friends, as well.

You can read this with as much righteous indignation as you choose; you are certainly free to be angry, hurt, infuriated, wrathful. You can read this and think what a coward I am for taking this way out… that I am a loser and a jerk and so on and so forth. You can easily and conveniently dismiss me, and my feelings, because you have had years’ worth of practice.

How can you have expected to stay married (or indeed, in a relationship) considering your hostile, dismissive, marginalizing and undermining attitude and actions toward your husband? Were you surprised to discover that your husband might have a limit on how much he would take before tuning you out or just turning away? I think what’s more surprising is that this insensitivity to your husbands’ needs and feelings goes hand-in-hand with a hypersensitivity about a reaction – any reaction – from him… reactions that are usually more than reasonable.

You wonder, “How can I get him to stop walking around angry and pouting?” That you treat me as an afterthought is easily dismissed by the double-standard you seem to have about what you do and what I do: If you change your mind, I must take it. When I change my mind, I’m an idiot. If you want affection, attention or praise from me, it’s because you’ve earned it; if I want affection, attention or praise from you, I haven’t earned it yet.

The double-standard is frustrating because it takes into account only your immediate needs or desires; the perception from my side is that everything you feel or need is legitimate and very important – while anything related to me is both unimportant and selfish.

What causes this double-standard mentality? Self-centeredness.

Whatever the cause, it seems as though you spent most of the time thinking largely about what your marriage – and your man – could do for you, and never on what you could do for your man. And when there is so little emphasis on the giving… the nitpicking and pettiness chews up and spits out what could have been a good, or even great, marriage.

This is not intended to be a last stab at you, a last nasty act in what you see as a series of them. This is the plaintive cry of a lonely man who lost hope. It isn’t a midlife crisis that will send him into the arms of a woman who behaves excited to see him and appreciative of his company — it is too many years of emotionally devastating neglect, coupled with your utter ambivalence and even hostility. The loneliest situation in life is not actually being alone — it is being married to somebody to whom you appear to be invisible, or have the importance of a wilted house plant. Being ignored, marginalized, disrespected, and then belittled for expressing your pain is a level of torture that is unbearable. So I have chosen not to bear it any longer.

Marriage

Most marital problems arise out of mistakes and misunderstandings, out of childishness and self-centeredness, and then they get made concrete because we polarize around them. None of us is perfect; we all say things we regret, we are all unpleasant from time to time, we all have faults. And that is the point: There is no perfect relationship - not all the time, not everywhere, not through all of life’s situations. Children, bankruptcy, in-laws, job stress, boredom, illness – all of these can test even the most loving unions. Our spouses are not always going to be a shoulder for us to lean on, a devoted ally in times of sadness, a cheerleader, or a source of peace. Sometimes they will get hysterical, blame us, run away from us (physically or emotionally), hate us, embarrass us, and make our lives more difficult - not necessarily because they are right, but because they too are under stress, they too are in need of a shoulder to lean on, and we are too whacked to do anything for them.

We justify our own faults:

"I was under so much stress at the office - she ought to realize that."
"What did he expect? That I'd be excited about sex after spending all day with a three kids?"
"My own mother was so suffocating, I just can't handle a woman who nags."
"He was working all the time and didn't have time for me, and I needed a real relationship with a man."

We expect our partners to take up the slack for our troubles, to be long-suffering because we are stressed out, to change their behavior so as not to remind us of our mothers, to accept a sexless marriage because we are tired. Instead of changing our lives to reduce our stress, dealing with the leftovers from our relationship with our mothers, or finding a way to cope with children and save time for a husband as well, we blame our spouses for these problems.

While we have reasons for our imperfections, we see the other person's lapses as inexcusable.

"She got hysterical when I told her we'd have to move. She's so incredibly immature."
"He was rude to my mother. He knows she's old and lonely and that's why she talks so much."
"She spends a fortune on clothes. She doesn't even think about how hard I work for that money."
"He's always losing his temper over trifles. I'm sick of his shouting."

It is rare that we forgive, rare for us try to understand that our mates, too, are imperfect, and rare that we see how they may be driven to behave as they do because of stress, childhood trauma, fear, guilt, or whatever. Instead, most often we righteously assert that we value ourselves too much to put up with (pick one): A slob, a narcissist, a melancholic, a codependent, a bore.

But aren't we justified in blaming our spouses for truly unreasonable behavior? Don't we have a right to demand that they change? Well, maybe. But where does it get us? When we look at our spouses as if they are responsible for making us happy and deficient if they don't, we set the stage for interminable recriminations, and erase the opportunity for a real partnership - in which two rather imperfect beings can find support and a little space while they struggle with their own faults. By current criteria we are all dysfunctional, wounded children, so no matter whom we pick, we are sure to end up living with one. Ideally, I think, we should look at why we don't like what the other person is doing. (And no, it's not only because he or she is a jerk.)

Are we upset by our spouse's anger because it provokes our load of internal guilt?

Do we dislike another person's silence because we equate it with the unspoken hostility a parent exuded?

Do we find it impossible to tolerate a slob because we are compulsively neat?

Maybe we could use these moments when we want to rail against our spouse to look at how we may have our internal battles to deal with first. And even if we don't have a particular personal failing, we can always develop our capacity for love. It is easy to love the devoted, the kind, the exciting, the intelligent, or the youthful; but it is hard to love the old, the sick, the depressed, or the traumatized. Maybe we could use these difficult times to expand our range of compassion.

Our partner, no matter how imperfect, is a gift to us. He or she more than anyone can hold up a mirror to us and show us who we are, good and bad. Often we hate our spouses because they do not bring out the best in us, but who else will show us our shadow sides? Perhaps if we looked at our spouses as teachers or mirrors instead of as impediments to a fun life, we might find that our relationships could blossom instead of die. If we could be tolerant of an unkind word, willing to look at ourselves when we feel aggrieved, or try to love another knowing he or she has faults, we would doubtless find him or her much more willing to do the same for us.

We need to create space in our relationships for mistakes, for periods of drought, even for anger.
We need to have patience with each other.

We want to be appreciated for our good qualities (even if they're not always in evidence) and loved despite our failings, but why should we assume it is any easier for our spouse to do this than for us to do it? We praise those who are tolerant and kind and patient, those who can see beneath the surface to the good in others, those who can offer unconditional love, and we hunger for those qualities to manifest themselves in the person we marry. But why do we put so much effort into demanding that our spouses exhibit these traits, and so little into cultivating them in ourselves? As so many have said, we need to concentrate on changing ourselves instead of on changing our mates.

I'm pretty bad at loving, but I'd like to be better. I think I'd be a lot happier. The few times I've been able to get past my infantile fury at not getting my way and tried to explore why I might need to change, I have been gratified by the results. When I do assume that this world is a place for learning how to be a better, more mature, more loving person, and when I am willing to look at my mate as a teaching aid rather than as a repair project, we end up on the same side of the problem of personal growth. We function as coaches for each other. When we insist on seeing the other as the enemy, however, we end up in a perpetual zero sum game.

I think that fundamentally marriage exists to teach us how to love. When we treat our partners as precious gifts and see them as valuable in their own right (not simply as useful appendages to ourselves), we learn to get outside of ourselves and to really see the wonder of another human being. When we look at conflict as an opportunity to grow, we find an alternative to frustration and despair. When we use our marriages as places where we can learn about loving, when we are not afraid to see ourselves in all our glory and all our imperfection, then, I think, we can learn to finally grow up.



DO and DON'T

courtesy of my favorite therapist


Don’t think that you are entitled to all the responsibilities and loving actions of your spouse;
Do behave as though every mundane gesture of your beloved is a direct gift from Heaven.
Don’t think you don’t need to make pleasing your beloved a priority because he/she is already yours;
Do think that every day is an opportunity to forge a stronger bond between you.
Don’t assume that all or even most of the problems of the marriage are his/hers;
Do come up with changes you know you need to make to be a better husband/wife . . . and do them!
Don’t wait for your spouse to make changes before you make the ones you know you should make;
Do make an offering of your part even though you feel hurt, angry, or embarrassed, because that change in your actions/attitude will likely have two wonderful effects: (1) you will discover that you can create more of your own happiness with your own change in behavior and attitude and (2) your spouse will be motivated by your actions . . . and around it goes!


Don’t think first about what you’re getting or losing at any one moment;
Do think about how putting your spouse before yourself makes your spouse feel cherished.
Don’t insist on your opinion or way of looking at things as the only way;
Do check with your spouse about his/her way of handling a particular issue to see if there might be a solution that incorporates the wisdom you both have, as in “two heads are better than one.”
Don’t focus so much on making sure your own needs are met;
Do prioritize the needs of the union—you are now “us/we,” and not primarily “me.” It is important that spouses pay attention to staying connected. Have date nights, to flirt and chatter—so you can remember why you married in the first place.

Don’t imagine you’re going to change your spouse by complaining, hating, punishing, demeaning, threatening, or manipulating;
Do know that you can change your view of your spouse and your marriage by finding something each day about your spouse that brings you pleasure, pride, or gratitude.
Don’t choose to dwell on the annoying qualities of your spouse;
Do remind yourself each time you’re annoyed with him/her of at least three qualities you admire and enjoy.
Don’t believe for a moment that you aren’t annoying too!
Do acknowledge to yourself and to him/her that you both brought a lot of baggage into the marriage to unpack and that you promise to be more aware and considerate of your impact on him/her.

Don’t use discussions about how bad your spouse is as entertainment with your friends;
Do take every opportunity you can to build up your spouse in your mind by relating wonderful, positive stories.
Don’t let your family or friends determine or influence what happens in your home and marital relationship—do not take polls with them to decide anything about your home life;
Do have the courage of your own opinions and the respect for those of your beloved to make your own joint decisions.
Don’t ever (unless desperately ill) reject an amorous approach by your beloved;
Do make your beloved feel such by some degree of physicality combined with words of love and praise.
Don’t complain that your beloved is a lousy lover and not making you “happy”;
Do compliment them when they’re “getting warmer” (it is so motivating) and actually show them what would turn on your ignition switch.
Don’t let your day or your history rob you of your right to marital ecstasy;
Do make at least as much time for your “love” life with your spouse as you do for all the other stuff you consider important.

Don’t even think about keeping score with who does what;
Do keep in sight of what the goal in your marriage is: peace and happiness.
Don’t compete with your beloved for who is more important;
Do spend every possible moment telling your spouse he/ she is the most important part of your life.
Don’t withhold love or affection because of some perceived slight—or even an actual slight;
Do remember that a cherished spouse will “slight” you less.



Many people perceive marriage as a kind of sauna: You go in and the heat does something to you while you are passive. A good marriage all about doing something, instead of expecting something. When both spouses understand that – it is a beautiful thing.

9 Things to Say During a Fight

Copying this from a Yahoo article, for posterity's sake.

Are you a pirate when it comes to fighting? As in, do you brazenly charge in with accusations, a smattering of profanity and hope to crudely beat your point across? That is a bad way, grasshopper. Read: Love & Anger: How to Fight Right

Gretchen Rubin, Huffington Post blogger and author of The Happiness Project (forthcoming), recently compiled a list of 23 phrases that can help couples turn a verbal brawl back down to a constructive fight. Here are YourTango's top picks from that list and why we think they work so well.

"You don't have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you." This is a good response to any "quit whining" complaints—a non-confrontational way to let him know you need a considerate ear not a contrary opinion. Plus, it's actually a compliment in disguise.

"Please try to understand my point of view." One of the first things to fly out the window during an argument is empathy. The more the accusations escalate, the more narrow-minded both parties get. Try this simple plea early in the argument to ensure that both of you approach the issue with the other's feelings in mind. Read: How To Fight Like a Wife

"This is important to me. Please listen." You would think listening is a built-in function of any argument, but most of the time, we're too busy calculating what to say next to truly pay attention to our partner's words. Use this clarion call and wait a couple of seconds before stating the most important points you want to get across.

"I can see my part in this." The fastest way to a nasty, no-solution impasse is to unload all the blame on one side. Yeah sure, you may think it's justified, but no one likes to be singled out as the only problem. Admitting your part in the matter, no matter how small it was, can help prevent an aggressive "Nuh-Uh!" rebuttal.

"We're getting off the subject." You start discussing the dishes in the sink, and suddenly it becomes a fight over who forgot to gas up the car. An argument can quickly become a large laundry list of complaint after complaint. Use this phrase to steer the conversation back to the main problem that needs to be tackled now.

"What are we really fighting about?" Small tiffs can mask a larger issue, especially if they are frequent and revolve around the same few things. Instead of fighting each and every incident to the bitter end, work with your partner to determine what could be causing the trend. This phrase can be followed up by:

"This isn't just your problem, it's our problem." This statement can change the fight dynamic from you vs. him to you and him vs. this problem.

"Let's take a break for a few minutes." How many hurtful things have you said when emotions trumped common consideration? If you feel the urge to say something just to inflict pain, the best preventative is to call a time-out. Separate, clear your thoughts and maybe sleep on it. You’d be surprised how fast the anger can pass.

"I love you." Nothing throws off an argument better than this ultimate proclamation of affection. As hard as it can be to say during a verbal smackdown, it is an immediate reminder of the basic bonds you share.

On a final note, don't forget to reciprocate your partner's own attempts to cool the argument down. The key to mastering this technique is to think emphatically.