1. Mine is Better
Imagine you have just finished relating a funny story from your teen years. This person simply must top you: "If you think that's funny, let me tell you this." They need to both top your story and belittle it, without allowing time for discussion or reaction. It’s a common tactic for people with little-to-no self esteem.
2. Too Much or Too Little Eye Contact
You’re sitting in a meeting with co-workers, and the speaker seems to be intently concentrating on you, and you alone; their attention and gaze never seems to waver, making you feel as though you are being either ‘mentally undressed’ or considered for the evening’s main course. The flipside to this maniacal stare is the one-on-one conversation with the person who looks through you, or everywhere BUT you; they’re speaking to you, but looking at the floor, the ceiling, their cellphone, and nitrogen molecules off to their left…
3. Neither Hearing nor Listening
It’s bad enough when you’re in a loud environment and trying to speak to the person next to you, when you have to shout just to be heard; you’re forced to repeat yourself over and over, but you can tell yourself that this is understandable. But when the environment is calm and the extraneous noise is at a minimum, shouldn’t you be heard the first time you say something? Assuming you’re using a normal conversational tone of voice, and not speaking sotto voce, it’s an irritant when the other person seems either utterly uninterested in what you’re saying, or else is partially interested (and hearing every fifth word or so)… both situations force you to repeat, repeat, repeat until they’ve heard you.
4. Bad Jokes
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone when, out of the blue, they decide to interject a completely idiotic or tasteless joke? They have the temerity to actually wait for you to laugh before continuing, when all you can think is, “Does this person actually believe that was funny???”
5. Self Promotion
I love meeting someone who introduces themselves via their resume, education, or celebrity ties. It's obnoxious, but at least it’s funny – and I know right away that this will be a very, very short conversation (if I have anything to say about it!). You know the type: “Hi, I’m Sally, and I graduated summa cum laude from Harvard. Do you want to try a pastry with your latte?”
6. It’s ALL About Me
This person is a slight variation on the “Mine is Better” person; this person isn’t necessarily competing with you to see whose story or anecdote is better, because this person really has no interest in your story or anecdote. They can barely fake any interest, preferring instead to simply ramble on and on ad nauseum about themselves.
7. Thy Name is Negativity
Some days you just feel blue, but for this person, it’s every day. You have met this person and been subjected to their overpowering negativity: “So I was late for work because my car wouldn’t start, which always happens to me on mornings when I have to be in at a specific time for a meeting; then my boss of course makes me stay late, like always, even though he doesn’t care about the number of hours I put in LAST week. Then I get home and find that I forgot my keys in the car, so I couldn’t unlock my front door – but then I couldn’t get my keys because the car automatically locked the door. This stuff always happens to me. Last night at dinner my steak was overcooked, and the mashed potatoes were too runny, and then I found I had a bunion on my left foot, which of course I couldn’t see the doctor about because…” Blah blah blah.
8. Short and Not Sweet
Answering in-depth questions with simple one-word answers that don’t match the question is a cardinal sin. Short answers are usually indicative of either disinterest or anger, neither of which is conducive to a good conversation, and this person doesn’t feel either way. They are just trying to leave the conversation – EVERY conversation.
9. Chatty McChatterbox
The opposite of the Short and Not Sweet answer is the answer that is so detailed and so granular (and generally veers so far off-topic as to be in a different zip code than the actual answer) that you fall asleep before it ends.
10. Chatting with the ADD Person
I think we’ve all had this sort of conversation:
A: “How was the ballgame last night?”
B: “It was great! When I got to the stadium I… wait, where did I put my cellphone?”
A: “What happened when you got to the stadium?”
B: “Oh, I got a great parking spot, right near the main gate. I love getting… did I tell you about my mother’s gout?”
A: “Hold on. I saw a play on SportsCenter from the game, where it looked like the referee made the wrong call. You were there, what did you think?”
B: “That ref was as blind as my great Aunt Matilda! Why, anyone with an ounce of sense… Is that something shiny over there?”
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1 comment:
I have a lot to say about this but I don't want to interrupt the conversation I'm having with myself as I'm just that interesting. Where IS my cell phone?
*slinks off to own blog*
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